To the principals office we go....

Today I enrolled Gaby in primary (elementary) school - WOW, what a feeling!!!  I don't know if I am sad or REALLY excited about it... My baby is not a baby anymore - I am planning on getting her school uniform & taking her to her 'school readiness' class, purchasing her 'big girl' school bag, getting name tags made up.  Wow.

We met with the principal and he was really nice, made me feel very happy with my decision to send her to that particular school!  As far as 'decile' goes, it is low (meaning most of the children who make up the student population are from low socio-economic areas) - however the class size is small & that was really the most important thing for me when it came to finding a school for her.  Right through primary & intermediate (middle) school I was in a class of 25 at the most, whereas a lot of the classes around here are 30+.. and I really want Gaby to have that more intimate setting, where the teacher has more time to spend working 1 on 1 with the kids.

I have to say, she looked SO in place at the school - like she really belonged there.  The kids were having their morning break while we were there, and Gaby was a lot bigger than some of the new entrants.. very cute!

I'm feeling old now... dealing with the school principal as a PARENT, and not as a student...  Being in a school and rather than dreaming of the day when I'd finally be out of there, I was organising the beginning of my daughters schooling.

I feel like the parent of a child now, and not just the parent of 'two little kids'....

I can't believe my silly little girl is going to be a school girl this year

I really am done. Wow.

I had a tubal ligation when I had Emersyn - mainly due to pregnancy anxiety issues & knowing deep down that I can't put myself (or the girls) through another pregnancy. Although I KNEW it was the right thing to do, I did feel a little that I'd probably regret it on some level, but 9 months down the track I have never felt more confident that I made the right decision for myself & my girls.

When Gaby was Emersyn's age, all I wanted for her was a little sibling - I so badly wanted to be pregnant and to add to my family - I think I had 'baby fever' by the time Gaby was 3 months old.  But this time?  When I try to imagine Emersyn (and Gaby) having a little sister (or brother) - I just can't get the image, and I don't get the little lurch of yearning that I used to prior to Emersyn arriving... thinking of my family, I cannot imagine anything other than my two girls.

Of course another baby would be NICE, but that's all it'd be - NICE... not something I REALLY like, and now when talking to my sister about my (gorgeous!) niece and all the early-days problems they've had, all I can think is "god I never want to go through that again".  I don't know if that makes me sound heartless - I love babies, I love being a Mum, but I think I just know now that *I* am well and truly done.  I am happy & content with it just being the 3 of us - and if it does eventually become a 4 of us (ie I find a man or woman to share my life with), I'm not adverse to the idea of adopting, or fostering - but I also know that I am just as happy with my two little girlies.

It's strange when I think about it, because I have always so so so badly wanted to be pregnant, wanted a big family - so to be able to say "yes, I'm done", "no I don't want more children" - it is just so unexpected... if someone asked me 4 years ago - heck even a year ago, how many children I wanted to have, my answer would have been "4 or 5".... THREE at the least.  But here I am with two beautiful girls & I know that this is how I want it to be for me.

That said.. I do think that if my pregnancy anxiety wasn't such an issue, I wouldn't be done yet - so I guess it goes to show that I'm learning to listen to my gut & to concentrate on what is best for me.  Between my daughers & my niece, there is more than enough love & cuteness in the world!

Such pressure, so young

When did there become such obvious pressure for babies to meet milestones by certain ages?

A member of my playroom on JustMommies posted a list of milestones infants should reach by 10, 11 & 12 months old - a bulk of these seemed very 'agressive' - things that Gaby (who was/is perfectly normal developmentally) wasn't doing until 2-3 months after those ages.  It really wound me up and made me angry - not the member who had posted it, but the fact that it became so glaringly obvious to me in THAT moment, that there is pressure placed on children from the moment they're born.  I am not meaning pressure from parents - but just general pressure from certain areas of society.

THAT sort of list is what makes first time Moms/Dads (or Moms/Dads in general) worry without real reason - and can cause the Mom/Dad to miss out on a whole lot of amazing moments with their baby, because they're so concerned that something is OBVIOUSLY wrong because they're not running marathons at 14 months. Exaggeration? Yes - just like a whole bunch of the milestones on that list.

Whatever happened to just appreciating your child as they are???? Taking pleasure in the small things, feeling all loved up & enjoying your time as a parent? If you're constantly walking around with a check list, you're missing out on a lot of special moments in your childs life... YES, we need to be aware of what to look out for that may indicate our children aren't developing to a 'normal' schedule - but at the same time, we need to be aware of the fact each child develops individually & to their OWN schedule, and even if a child is 'behind' - they're still dang special... THE CHILD - as a whole - should be what the focus is on, not what they can/can't do.

& now I'm going to go and kiss my child who can't build a tower with 3 blocks & doesn't play chase - and appreciate her for being her own cheeky, adorable, sweet, beautiful little self.

"... and those of you without faith"

Five small words that are making me reflect and feel a little defensive today... 'those of you without faith'.  The words were spoken (often) by a bishop who was speaking at the national memorial service today, for the victims of the February 22nd earthquake.  Obviously being a bishop, she was talking a lot about god & religion in relation to the earthquake mainly why it happened & how people are coping with the aftermath.

Being that I am NOT religious, a lot of what she said didn't apply to me, and I didn't agree with, or believe - but I also understand that EVERYONE has different beliefs, and in times of immense stress & trauma people do tend to embrace their personal beliefs (religious or otherwise), so it didn't bother me.... but her frequent referral to 'those of you without faith' REALLY did get to me.

No - I'm not religious, BUT that does NOT mean that I DON'T have faith.  I do have faith - a LOT of it!  I have faith in myself & my family, faith in humanity & the goodness that lies in [most] everyone.  Just because my faith isn't 'from above' doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, nor does it mean that it isn't as strong as someone elses.

I do know that emotions are all a bit heightened now, and that the bishop didn't mean what she said with any malice, BUT it did strike a chord with me, and it is something I've been thinking about ever since.  Perhaps had she said "those of you without RELIGION"?

At the end of the day, as I see it faith isn't something that is exclusive to those who are religious.

Evacuees and refugees are we

The girls & I are officially classed as 'refugees' or 'evacuees' now, due to the fact we are 'temporarily displaced' from our home, because of the earthquake.  The quake hit 11 days ago & my area is still without water, power & sewerage, so we are still camped out with my parents - to be honest I think I'd sooner be here than at home, because I need a little support to get through all this.  It's tough being strong for the girls (mainly Gaby), when I am not really feeling all that strong - I have become really good at faking it, making Gaby think everything is fine and dandy, and this is just a fun little 'sleepover' at Nan & Poppas.  Of course she knows what has happeend, but I don't want her to see me being weak - not that there'd really be anything wrong with that...

I guess I just want my Mummy & Daddy, as much as Gaby wants her Mummy.

Gaby won't let me out of her sight, and she cries when either of my parents leave for work - it's really hard to see... she doesn't know of anyone who died in the quake (well, not at the moment, and I hope that's how it stay), but it's almost like she can sense the enormity of the loss of life, and I guess she is afraid it's going to happen again - to one of us.  It is 'nice' to feel so loved and needed, but it is at the point now that she refuses to go to her fathers, which isn't something I want - as much as he irritates me, I still want Gaby to have a good relationship with him, and to spend time with him when she can.  Perhaps if she won't go tomorrow, I'll suggest he comes here and takes her to the park for a couple of hours or something... I don't know...

Introducing the beautiful Bronte Ameka McWhirter

As I said in my initial post-quake blog post, my niece has finally arrived - and she is a little beauty!  I love saying her name, because I think it's so beautiful - Bronte is a name I'd have loved to use for either girl, but I knew neither of their fathers would have gone for it... so I'm very happy my sister got the chance to use the name.  I cannot wait to meet her, but I have no idea when that will happen - I don't want to crowd my sister by taking my whole gang to stay with her, especially with Emersyn still not being a great night sleeper... I guess it'll happen soon enough!