My... how fast they grow

I never actually made a blog post about Emersyn turning 1 - and it happened 3 weeks ago now... Oooops.  On June 13 - true to form, we had two big aftershocks [5.5 and 6.3] - both of them I was in the car, and SEEING the earthquake actually happening really did scare the sh.t out of me, and after the second quake,  I decided that was that - we were heading out of town.

the birthday girl, after her 6am bath

So began our whirlwind - puke filled, ear infected, car sickness-ee 5 day getaway, which I hate to say really took the shine off it being Emersyn's first birthday.  The day we drove to Wanaka Emersyn vomitted in the car, the day before her birthday she woke up with a raging ear infection, the morning OF her birthday she woke up covered in vomit and diarrhoea... so really it wasn't a memorable [in a good way] birthday for her.  That said, I did get to share the birthday girl with her Great Grandma and her Aunty Terri and cousin Bronny - so it did have its highlights.  She started getting better the day before we left to go home, but then on the trip home Gaby was carsick for the very first time.  Did I mention it was all in our NEW car?

Mummy's first cuddle with little Emmy-boo

As lovely as it was seeing all our family down that way it was nice to get home, and strangely I have to admit that I MISSED Christchurch while we were away.  With all the footage on the news about the recent big aftershocks, there wasn't really a chance to 'get away' from the quakes, and all the distance really served to do, was make me feel guilty that I had 'run away', when there were sooooo many people up here cleaning up for the third time.  The streets were full of liquifaction - it really was horrible.  Seeing it on the news just made me feel sad.

Mummy and her not-so-little Emmy-boo at 1yo

The past year has gone by so fast - I think that by the time  I got out of the 'newborn fog', the September earthquake happened, and ever since then the earth has been regularly shaking and our lives have been turned upside down at times.  In a way I feel like I missed a lot of Emersyn's first year - I was so focused on other things a lot of the time, that I don't feel like I took the time to enjoy the small things.  But on the other hand - my thousands of photos of her first year tend to tell a different story.

Me and BOTH of my 'babies'

 

Going green

I've decided I need to make more of an effort to 'go green'.  After the earthquake a lot of our essential services are badly damaged - particularly the sewer system... because of this I've decided to start using a 'menstrual cup' - namely a Femmecup...  I know it isn't recommended to flush tampons down the toilet, but I have to admit that 9/10 that is where mine end up.  Now however I won't have that problem!  I always used to scoff at the idea of a menstrual cup & think they were a 'tree hugging hippy' product, but now I totally see the point of them, and think they're a fabulous idea.  It just so happens that my period is due in the next couple of days, so I'm now gearing up for my first use of the Femmecup.  It's just one more thing I can do for the environment, and for my decidedly fragile city!

I'm also researching other ways I can go green - and I think I might give making my own household cleaner a go - it seems basic enough, and if it is effective (which by all reports it is) - then what do I have to lose?  If anything I'll save myself a few dollars!  In all reality I don't know how much difference *I* will make to the world, with my individual attempt at going green, but I figure that if anything it will be something I can feel good about!

I really am done. Wow.

I had a tubal ligation when I had Emersyn - mainly due to pregnancy anxiety issues & knowing deep down that I can't put myself (or the girls) through another pregnancy. Although I KNEW it was the right thing to do, I did feel a little that I'd probably regret it on some level, but 9 months down the track I have never felt more confident that I made the right decision for myself & my girls.

When Gaby was Emersyn's age, all I wanted for her was a little sibling - I so badly wanted to be pregnant and to add to my family - I think I had 'baby fever' by the time Gaby was 3 months old.  But this time?  When I try to imagine Emersyn (and Gaby) having a little sister (or brother) - I just can't get the image, and I don't get the little lurch of yearning that I used to prior to Emersyn arriving... thinking of my family, I cannot imagine anything other than my two girls.

Of course another baby would be NICE, but that's all it'd be - NICE... not something I REALLY like, and now when talking to my sister about my (gorgeous!) niece and all the early-days problems they've had, all I can think is "god I never want to go through that again".  I don't know if that makes me sound heartless - I love babies, I love being a Mum, but I think I just know now that *I* am well and truly done.  I am happy & content with it just being the 3 of us - and if it does eventually become a 4 of us (ie I find a man or woman to share my life with), I'm not adverse to the idea of adopting, or fostering - but I also know that I am just as happy with my two little girlies.

It's strange when I think about it, because I have always so so so badly wanted to be pregnant, wanted a big family - so to be able to say "yes, I'm done", "no I don't want more children" - it is just so unexpected... if someone asked me 4 years ago - heck even a year ago, how many children I wanted to have, my answer would have been "4 or 5".... THREE at the least.  But here I am with two beautiful girls & I know that this is how I want it to be for me.

That said.. I do think that if my pregnancy anxiety wasn't such an issue, I wouldn't be done yet - so I guess it goes to show that I'm learning to listen to my gut & to concentrate on what is best for me.  Between my daughers & my niece, there is more than enough love & cuteness in the world!