Since Gaby turned the big 5 her attitude has suddenly changed SO much - she's almost acting like a hormonal teenager, which terrifies me.. I didn't think I'd have to deal with this sort of behaviour for another few years. She just doesn't listen, and when she does listen, will reply with a grunt or a sigh or a roll of the eyes. I think part of it is that she's tired - but if she goes to sleep any earlier she will be missing dinner... she is in bed at 7pm every night!
It's funny seeing them growing up, becoming their own persons - and becoming nice and headstrong. That is what I try to remind myself - she's learning to be her own person, learning to stand up for herself - she's figuring out what she likes and doesn't like... I just wish she would do it in a way that was more... smiley and laughy and non-eye-rolley!
At the same time though, she's also becoming one fantastic little kids - still so sweet with her little sister, so caring... and her personality is definitely shining through, particularly her sense of humor - she definitely has my side of the families sense of humor, which is a good thing (I think). She thought she was hilarious the other day when she said to her little friend Belle "hey Belle - can I ring your bell?"... I had to laugh, because it was kind of funny...
I'm so proud of her as far as school goes - learning to read and write and spell - doing all the things 'big kids' do. I wasn't sure I was ready for a 'big kid', but I can tell already that we're entering a fantastic new phase in her life, and I really cannot wait to watch her blossom - intellectually and personally!
Showing posts with label Gaby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gaby. Show all posts
November 14, 2011
November 11, 2011
Reflections...
October and November have been hard months for me for the past 10 years. November 2nd 2001 was the date that I said goodbye to my first angel, and then strangely enough two of my three other losses, occurred between October 21 and November 19... so in the space of less than a month I have three angelversaries. Zhavier's anniversary is October 21st (2007), Jayden's is November 2nd (2001) and then Micah's is November 19th (2005). Of all the days they could fall on, I still don't really understand how they all managed to fall so closely together. The anniversary of my fourth and final angel is January 6th (2008) - so still relatively close.
I do consider myself healed from my losses - I still think about my four angels, but usually it is just a quick thought here and there, that I forget about a few minutes later... but the past few weeks, my babies have all been constantly on my mind - I'm used to feeling this way at this time of year though. I find it hard not to think, and I guess that is understandable... It's hard to not think about what life was like then and now.. hard not to remember going through each individual loss...
Certain sights and smells make me think of my losses, silly things.. Going to the food court toilets at Northlands Mall makes me think of Micah - because that is where I 'completed' my miscarriage... and held him... silently crying.. Zhavier it's the supermarket on Moorhouse Ave - we went into there to buy something, I went to the toilet - and found I was spotting.. that was the beginning of my ectopic pregnancy journey. Jayden it's Montreal Street.. which is where my loss occurred.. I hate driving down that street. Addison it's my parents house - having morning sickness, but then also noticing I was spotting..
I try not to dwell - but at this time of the year it's hard. I know that if those losses hadn't occurred, I wouldn't have my gorgeous girls - but at the same time I know that if my losses hadn't occurred, I would have had the chance to hold THOSE babies in my arms. I do believe that everything happens for a reason though, and try to think of Emersyn and Gabrielle as 'gifts' from my angels... I think that's my way of focusing on the positives, than on the negatives.
I still have pregnancy tests from two of my losses.. Micah and Zhavier, and I have my medical notes from Jayden, Micah and Zhavier... I have nothing from my pregnancy with Addison, apart from the sad memories of my now ex boyfriend telling me that I had to choose between him and her, and that he couldn't have a child right then... all the tears I shed because of it, and then ringing him to say "well I don't need to make a decision, I'm miscarrying".. and how sad he sounded. At least he was supportive about it.. though at the time I thought it was more relieved than supportive, but looking back it WAS supportive..
This is just a funny old time of year. I miss my babies, I hate that I've experienced losses - but at the same time I am glad I have my two princesses, and feel so blessed to have them in my life. I like to think that a little part of my angels lives on in both of them....
I do consider myself healed from my losses - I still think about my four angels, but usually it is just a quick thought here and there, that I forget about a few minutes later... but the past few weeks, my babies have all been constantly on my mind - I'm used to feeling this way at this time of year though. I find it hard not to think, and I guess that is understandable... It's hard to not think about what life was like then and now.. hard not to remember going through each individual loss...
Certain sights and smells make me think of my losses, silly things.. Going to the food court toilets at Northlands Mall makes me think of Micah - because that is where I 'completed' my miscarriage... and held him... silently crying.. Zhavier it's the supermarket on Moorhouse Ave - we went into there to buy something, I went to the toilet - and found I was spotting.. that was the beginning of my ectopic pregnancy journey. Jayden it's Montreal Street.. which is where my loss occurred.. I hate driving down that street. Addison it's my parents house - having morning sickness, but then also noticing I was spotting..
I try not to dwell - but at this time of the year it's hard. I know that if those losses hadn't occurred, I wouldn't have my gorgeous girls - but at the same time I know that if my losses hadn't occurred, I would have had the chance to hold THOSE babies in my arms. I do believe that everything happens for a reason though, and try to think of Emersyn and Gabrielle as 'gifts' from my angels... I think that's my way of focusing on the positives, than on the negatives.
I still have pregnancy tests from two of my losses.. Micah and Zhavier, and I have my medical notes from Jayden, Micah and Zhavier... I have nothing from my pregnancy with Addison, apart from the sad memories of my now ex boyfriend telling me that I had to choose between him and her, and that he couldn't have a child right then... all the tears I shed because of it, and then ringing him to say "well I don't need to make a decision, I'm miscarrying".. and how sad he sounded. At least he was supportive about it.. though at the time I thought it was more relieved than supportive, but looking back it WAS supportive..
This is just a funny old time of year. I miss my babies, I hate that I've experienced losses - but at the same time I am glad I have my two princesses, and feel so blessed to have them in my life. I like to think that a little part of my angels lives on in both of them....
July 25, 2011
since there's no place to go.. let it snow...
As of around 10pm last night, we officially have snow - for once the weather forecast was right.
We had some little sleet showers on and off all day, and then I checked outside at one point and there had been a little flurry, I hoped that wasn't all we would get though... Emersyn woke up at midnight, I looked outside and WE HAD SNOW.... It looked beautiful, and even though it was 'dark' outside, it still looked pretty light because of all the glorious snow that had fallen. I took some photos incase it disappeared before the morning and Gaby missed out on seeing it - and in the end I woke her up and told her to look outside, so at least if it did disappear, she could say she'd seen the snow on the ground
I was almost too scared to look outside this morning, incase there wasn't any snow left, but mother nature for once had been kind to Christchurch, and had delivered us more snow. I am not sure if I was more excited, or if Gaby was - but either way we got wrapped up nice and warm and went outside for our first little excursion in the snow... It's the first time Gaby has been in snow properly, so it was quite an exciting little first - and you couldn't take the grin off of her face. Admittedly my grin was rather prominent as well. I grew up in Twizel, where we got snow a few times a winter, and usually a decent fall - but here in Christchurch we are at sea level and it is rare to get snow - even rarer to get snow that settles. Gaby had conveniently left her gloves in the car, so it gave us an excuse to take a little walk around the section too. Naturally Gaby picked up the snow with her bare hands, though I told her not to - she soon learnt just how cold snow is.
Emersyn just so happens to be sick - and I'm hoping it won't get to the extent that we need to see the doctor - because there is no way we could GET to the doctor... The roads are all pretty treacherous and my car is kind of stuck in it's parking spot. Because Emersyn is sick, all she wants to do is sleep, so when I put her down for her first nap, Gaby and I headed outside to make a snowman... actually, her name is Lily - and she is a snow woman. It was the first time I have made a snowman/woman by myself, and I wouldn't say I am any good, but Gaby was pleased with the results, so that's really what matters.. not my lack of skills.
The snow continues to fall, but it is meant to stop at some point this afternoon - which will be good, as much as I love the snow, I don't want it to get to the point that it turns frozen, and takes forever to go away. But while it's still here, it's something fun for me and Gaby to do, and a bit of a novelty at the same time.
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| the snow at midnight |
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| Gaby's first proper time in the snow |
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| Gaby and 'Lily' |
The snow continues to fall, but it is meant to stop at some point this afternoon - which will be good, as much as I love the snow, I don't want it to get to the point that it turns frozen, and takes forever to go away. But while it's still here, it's something fun for me and Gaby to do, and a bit of a novelty at the same time.
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| me and my little snow bunny |
July 13, 2011
Official start school date!
Today we got Gaby's official 'starting school' date! As I expected, she's starting on her actual birthday - so come October 26th I will have not only a five year old - but a big school girl! I remember it seemed to take forever for her to turn one, but each year since then has seemed to go faster and faster and faster... I hope it doesn't go THIS fast with Emersyn!
I need to get her school uniform sorted soon - and I can't wait, I know it's going to be a big Mummy-cry-day when she does start school, but I also can't wait to see her in her school uniform, with her school bag - all excited and ready to go.... then getting to school, and being welcomed to the class, the thought brings tears to my eyes, but also joy to my heart. I'm so proud of Gaby - she's such a well rounded, smart, funny, caring... just FABULOUS little girl... and I really couldn't be prouder of her.
I need to get her school uniform sorted soon - and I can't wait, I know it's going to be a big Mummy-cry-day when she does start school, but I also can't wait to see her in her school uniform, with her school bag - all excited and ready to go.... then getting to school, and being welcomed to the class, the thought brings tears to my eyes, but also joy to my heart. I'm so proud of Gaby - she's such a well rounded, smart, funny, caring... just FABULOUS little girl... and I really couldn't be prouder of her.
July 11, 2011
Sisterly love...
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| Sisters meeting for the first time |
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| Six months into their sisterly love |
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| My little lovies having a cuddle in Mummy's bed |
There is something so special about the bond between two sisters. I am just glad my girls will be able to experience it :)
May 26, 2011
I believe the children are the future.. of cloth!
"Mummy, what's the point in buying ugly nappies you have to throw away, if you can buy pretty nappies you can use heaps?"
This innocent (and utterly adorable) statement made by Gaby yesterday got me thinking about the fact that in reality, those of us who use cloth diapers are raising the next generation of cloth users. I know from my own parenting choices that a lot of what I do, I do because my parents did with me & my sister... therefore what I do as a parent is going to have an impact on what my girls do as parents, or at least what their thoughts are on various aspects of being a parent.
That thought then got me thinking that by using cloth diapers - Gaby is going to think of cloth diapers as the natural choice for diapering when SHE is at the stage in her life that diapering is a reality for her (please god, make that in at least 20 years!)... and then chances are that'll be the same for a LOT of other children whose parents have used cloth diapers.
We are raising the next generation of cloth users.
But not only is it the children of parents who have used cloth diapers, it's also going to be any children who has had contact with someone who uses cloth - my cousins for instance. Jasmine (13) & Alice (10) stayed with me for a week this summer, and BOTH were fascinated by my use of cloth diapers - they showed a real interest, and loved helping me stuff them & fold them after they'd been washed... it even got to the point that they argued over who was going to be the one to change Emersyn's diaper. And before the week was up, both had told me that when they were 'ladies' they were 'so totally' going to use cloth on their babies!
2 more converts to the fluffy world of cloth!
Thinking about all this has got me thinking (I'm doing a lot of thinking right now!) that it is almost our 'repsonsibility' to make young'ens aware of the fabulosity that is cloth diapering, and to make a little impression on them, so that in 10, 15, 20, 30 years time when they are having babies themselves, they think back to how cute the diapers were, how easy they were to use, and how passionate WE were about them, so that they themselves think "hey - I might give cloth a go!".
What if for every 1 of us that uses cloth, 10 kids decide to use cloth when they are having children... in 10, 20, 30 years time there could be 10x as many parents using cloth - heck, cloth diapering could even be something that people don't screw their nose up about, and think people are 'crazy' for doing.
I can't wait to see my girls, using cloth diapers on MY grandchildren (oh god.. grandchildren... scary...)
This innocent (and utterly adorable) statement made by Gaby yesterday got me thinking about the fact that in reality, those of us who use cloth diapers are raising the next generation of cloth users. I know from my own parenting choices that a lot of what I do, I do because my parents did with me & my sister... therefore what I do as a parent is going to have an impact on what my girls do as parents, or at least what their thoughts are on various aspects of being a parent.
That thought then got me thinking that by using cloth diapers - Gaby is going to think of cloth diapers as the natural choice for diapering when SHE is at the stage in her life that diapering is a reality for her (please god, make that in at least 20 years!)... and then chances are that'll be the same for a LOT of other children whose parents have used cloth diapers.
We are raising the next generation of cloth users.
But not only is it the children of parents who have used cloth diapers, it's also going to be any children who has had contact with someone who uses cloth - my cousins for instance. Jasmine (13) & Alice (10) stayed with me for a week this summer, and BOTH were fascinated by my use of cloth diapers - they showed a real interest, and loved helping me stuff them & fold them after they'd been washed... it even got to the point that they argued over who was going to be the one to change Emersyn's diaper. And before the week was up, both had told me that when they were 'ladies' they were 'so totally' going to use cloth on their babies!
2 more converts to the fluffy world of cloth!
Thinking about all this has got me thinking (I'm doing a lot of thinking right now!) that it is almost our 'repsonsibility' to make young'ens aware of the fabulosity that is cloth diapering, and to make a little impression on them, so that in 10, 15, 20, 30 years time when they are having babies themselves, they think back to how cute the diapers were, how easy they were to use, and how passionate WE were about them, so that they themselves think "hey - I might give cloth a go!".
What if for every 1 of us that uses cloth, 10 kids decide to use cloth when they are having children... in 10, 20, 30 years time there could be 10x as many parents using cloth - heck, cloth diapering could even be something that people don't screw their nose up about, and think people are 'crazy' for doing.
I can't wait to see my girls, using cloth diapers on MY grandchildren (oh god.. grandchildren... scary...)
March 28, 2011
To the principals office we go....
Today I enrolled Gaby in primary (elementary) school - WOW, what a feeling!!! I don't know if I am sad or REALLY excited about it... My baby is not a baby anymore - I am planning on getting her school uniform & taking her to her 'school readiness' class, purchasing her 'big girl' school bag, getting name tags made up. Wow.
We met with the principal and he was really nice, made me feel very happy with my decision to send her to that particular school! As far as 'decile' goes, it is low (meaning most of the children who make up the student population are from low socio-economic areas) - however the class size is small & that was really the most important thing for me when it came to finding a school for her. Right through primary & intermediate (middle) school I was in a class of 25 at the most, whereas a lot of the classes around here are 30+.. and I really want Gaby to have that more intimate setting, where the teacher has more time to spend working 1 on 1 with the kids.
I have to say, she looked SO in place at the school - like she really belonged there. The kids were having their morning break while we were there, and Gaby was a lot bigger than some of the new entrants.. very cute!
I'm feeling old now... dealing with the school principal as a PARENT, and not as a student... Being in a school and rather than dreaming of the day when I'd finally be out of there, I was organising the beginning of my daughters schooling.
I feel like the parent of a child now, and not just the parent of 'two little kids'....
We met with the principal and he was really nice, made me feel very happy with my decision to send her to that particular school! As far as 'decile' goes, it is low (meaning most of the children who make up the student population are from low socio-economic areas) - however the class size is small & that was really the most important thing for me when it came to finding a school for her. Right through primary & intermediate (middle) school I was in a class of 25 at the most, whereas a lot of the classes around here are 30+.. and I really want Gaby to have that more intimate setting, where the teacher has more time to spend working 1 on 1 with the kids.
I have to say, she looked SO in place at the school - like she really belonged there. The kids were having their morning break while we were there, and Gaby was a lot bigger than some of the new entrants.. very cute!
I'm feeling old now... dealing with the school principal as a PARENT, and not as a student... Being in a school and rather than dreaming of the day when I'd finally be out of there, I was organising the beginning of my daughters schooling.
I feel like the parent of a child now, and not just the parent of 'two little kids'....
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| I can't believe my silly little girl is going to be a school girl this year |
March 27, 2011
I really am done. Wow.
I had a tubal ligation when I had Emersyn - mainly due to pregnancy anxiety issues & knowing deep down that I can't put myself (or the girls) through another pregnancy. Although I KNEW it was the right thing to do, I did feel a little that I'd probably regret it on some level, but 9 months down the track I have never felt more confident that I made the right decision for myself & my girls.
When Gaby was Emersyn's age, all I wanted for her was a little sibling - I so badly wanted to be pregnant and to add to my family - I think I had 'baby fever' by the time Gaby was 3 months old. But this time? When I try to imagine Emersyn (and Gaby) having a little sister (or brother) - I just can't get the image, and I don't get the little lurch of yearning that I used to prior to Emersyn arriving... thinking of my family, I cannot imagine anything other than my two girls.
Of course another baby would be NICE, but that's all it'd be - NICE... not something I REALLY like, and now when talking to my sister about my (gorgeous!) niece and all the early-days problems they've had, all I can think is "god I never want to go through that again". I don't know if that makes me sound heartless - I love babies, I love being a Mum, but I think I just know now that *I* am well and truly done. I am happy & content with it just being the 3 of us - and if it does eventually become a 4 of us (ie I find a man or woman to share my life with), I'm not adverse to the idea of adopting, or fostering - but I also know that I am just as happy with my two little girlies.
It's strange when I think about it, because I have always so so so badly wanted to be pregnant, wanted a big family - so to be able to say "yes, I'm done", "no I don't want more children" - it is just so unexpected... if someone asked me 4 years ago - heck even a year ago, how many children I wanted to have, my answer would have been "4 or 5".... THREE at the least. But here I am with two beautiful girls & I know that this is how I want it to be for me.
That said.. I do think that if my pregnancy anxiety wasn't such an issue, I wouldn't be done yet - so I guess it goes to show that I'm learning to listen to my gut & to concentrate on what is best for me. Between my daughers & my niece, there is more than enough love & cuteness in the world!
When Gaby was Emersyn's age, all I wanted for her was a little sibling - I so badly wanted to be pregnant and to add to my family - I think I had 'baby fever' by the time Gaby was 3 months old. But this time? When I try to imagine Emersyn (and Gaby) having a little sister (or brother) - I just can't get the image, and I don't get the little lurch of yearning that I used to prior to Emersyn arriving... thinking of my family, I cannot imagine anything other than my two girls.
Of course another baby would be NICE, but that's all it'd be - NICE... not something I REALLY like, and now when talking to my sister about my (gorgeous!) niece and all the early-days problems they've had, all I can think is "god I never want to go through that again". I don't know if that makes me sound heartless - I love babies, I love being a Mum, but I think I just know now that *I* am well and truly done. I am happy & content with it just being the 3 of us - and if it does eventually become a 4 of us (ie I find a man or woman to share my life with), I'm not adverse to the idea of adopting, or fostering - but I also know that I am just as happy with my two little girlies.
It's strange when I think about it, because I have always so so so badly wanted to be pregnant, wanted a big family - so to be able to say "yes, I'm done", "no I don't want more children" - it is just so unexpected... if someone asked me 4 years ago - heck even a year ago, how many children I wanted to have, my answer would have been "4 or 5".... THREE at the least. But here I am with two beautiful girls & I know that this is how I want it to be for me.
That said.. I do think that if my pregnancy anxiety wasn't such an issue, I wouldn't be done yet - so I guess it goes to show that I'm learning to listen to my gut & to concentrate on what is best for me. Between my daughers & my niece, there is more than enough love & cuteness in the world!
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