Creating cuteness

I have started sewing, and have to say I am - really enjoying it... seems it is a lot more fun when you're sewing because you want to, and not because you're being told to by a certain grumpy sewing teacher at high school.

My latest creation is a fleece soaker for my niece, Bronte - I have to say I am really really happy with my effort, it's definitely the best sewing job that I've done.  I hope Bronny enjoys it :)

fleece soaker - made from the off cuts of a blanket I bought for Gaby, that was 'too big', according to her.  Why waste perfectly good fabric, when you can upcycle it?

My... how fast they grow

I never actually made a blog post about Emersyn turning 1 - and it happened 3 weeks ago now... Oooops.  On June 13 - true to form, we had two big aftershocks [5.5 and 6.3] - both of them I was in the car, and SEEING the earthquake actually happening really did scare the sh.t out of me, and after the second quake,  I decided that was that - we were heading out of town.

the birthday girl, after her 6am bath

So began our whirlwind - puke filled, ear infected, car sickness-ee 5 day getaway, which I hate to say really took the shine off it being Emersyn's first birthday.  The day we drove to Wanaka Emersyn vomitted in the car, the day before her birthday she woke up with a raging ear infection, the morning OF her birthday she woke up covered in vomit and diarrhoea... so really it wasn't a memorable [in a good way] birthday for her.  That said, I did get to share the birthday girl with her Great Grandma and her Aunty Terri and cousin Bronny - so it did have its highlights.  She started getting better the day before we left to go home, but then on the trip home Gaby was carsick for the very first time.  Did I mention it was all in our NEW car?

Mummy's first cuddle with little Emmy-boo

As lovely as it was seeing all our family down that way it was nice to get home, and strangely I have to admit that I MISSED Christchurch while we were away.  With all the footage on the news about the recent big aftershocks, there wasn't really a chance to 'get away' from the quakes, and all the distance really served to do, was make me feel guilty that I had 'run away', when there were sooooo many people up here cleaning up for the third time.  The streets were full of liquifaction - it really was horrible.  Seeing it on the news just made me feel sad.

Mummy and her not-so-little Emmy-boo at 1yo

The past year has gone by so fast - I think that by the time  I got out of the 'newborn fog', the September earthquake happened, and ever since then the earth has been regularly shaking and our lives have been turned upside down at times.  In a way I feel like I missed a lot of Emersyn's first year - I was so focused on other things a lot of the time, that I don't feel like I took the time to enjoy the small things.  But on the other hand - my thousands of photos of her first year tend to tell a different story.

Me and BOTH of my 'babies'

 

we are family.... [an itti bitti family]

My sister has started using Bitti Tutto diapers on my niece, Bronte - and I finally got to have a proper play with them, last week when I had the honour of babysitting Bronny for the first time.  She - of course, was a total dream and if anything my own children were tougher... there was a rocky moment or two when Emersyn and Bronte both decided to reach fever-pitch with their crying, at the same time.

OF COURSE, being the clothaholic - and ittibittiaholic that I am, I couldn't resist putting the girls in their matching coloured Itti Bitti's [I have to confess that I had packed all of Emersyn's Itti Bittis, that I knew Bronte had the same colour of] in order to take their first matching-diaper photo.

It happened to be during the rocky moments I mentioned above - neither girl was in a great mood, but nevertheless here is the photo of the Itti Bitti cousins....

Emersyn in her D'Lish and Bronte in her Tutto

Rockin' her yellow Tutto

and just because I can, here is a photo of Bronte in her beautiful yellow Tutto [of which Emersyn has one in the same colour].  It was lovely to see both girls rocking the minky - but also doing their part for the environment, at such young ages.  Of course neither of them realise the impact they are having - but all the same, I think it's sweet.  I look at these luscious, soft, vibrant, utterly beautiful diapers, and feel so so happy that I made the decision to start using cloth... and that my darling baby sister eventually came to the 'dark but fluffy side' too

I really am done. Wow.

I had a tubal ligation when I had Emersyn - mainly due to pregnancy anxiety issues & knowing deep down that I can't put myself (or the girls) through another pregnancy. Although I KNEW it was the right thing to do, I did feel a little that I'd probably regret it on some level, but 9 months down the track I have never felt more confident that I made the right decision for myself & my girls.

When Gaby was Emersyn's age, all I wanted for her was a little sibling - I so badly wanted to be pregnant and to add to my family - I think I had 'baby fever' by the time Gaby was 3 months old.  But this time?  When I try to imagine Emersyn (and Gaby) having a little sister (or brother) - I just can't get the image, and I don't get the little lurch of yearning that I used to prior to Emersyn arriving... thinking of my family, I cannot imagine anything other than my two girls.

Of course another baby would be NICE, but that's all it'd be - NICE... not something I REALLY like, and now when talking to my sister about my (gorgeous!) niece and all the early-days problems they've had, all I can think is "god I never want to go through that again".  I don't know if that makes me sound heartless - I love babies, I love being a Mum, but I think I just know now that *I* am well and truly done.  I am happy & content with it just being the 3 of us - and if it does eventually become a 4 of us (ie I find a man or woman to share my life with), I'm not adverse to the idea of adopting, or fostering - but I also know that I am just as happy with my two little girlies.

It's strange when I think about it, because I have always so so so badly wanted to be pregnant, wanted a big family - so to be able to say "yes, I'm done", "no I don't want more children" - it is just so unexpected... if someone asked me 4 years ago - heck even a year ago, how many children I wanted to have, my answer would have been "4 or 5".... THREE at the least.  But here I am with two beautiful girls & I know that this is how I want it to be for me.

That said.. I do think that if my pregnancy anxiety wasn't such an issue, I wouldn't be done yet - so I guess it goes to show that I'm learning to listen to my gut & to concentrate on what is best for me.  Between my daughers & my niece, there is more than enough love & cuteness in the world!

Evacuees and refugees are we

The girls & I are officially classed as 'refugees' or 'evacuees' now, due to the fact we are 'temporarily displaced' from our home, because of the earthquake.  The quake hit 11 days ago & my area is still without water, power & sewerage, so we are still camped out with my parents - to be honest I think I'd sooner be here than at home, because I need a little support to get through all this.  It's tough being strong for the girls (mainly Gaby), when I am not really feeling all that strong - I have become really good at faking it, making Gaby think everything is fine and dandy, and this is just a fun little 'sleepover' at Nan & Poppas.  Of course she knows what has happeend, but I don't want her to see me being weak - not that there'd really be anything wrong with that...

I guess I just want my Mummy & Daddy, as much as Gaby wants her Mummy.

Gaby won't let me out of her sight, and she cries when either of my parents leave for work - it's really hard to see... she doesn't know of anyone who died in the quake (well, not at the moment, and I hope that's how it stay), but it's almost like she can sense the enormity of the loss of life, and I guess she is afraid it's going to happen again - to one of us.  It is 'nice' to feel so loved and needed, but it is at the point now that she refuses to go to her fathers, which isn't something I want - as much as he irritates me, I still want Gaby to have a good relationship with him, and to spend time with him when she can.  Perhaps if she won't go tomorrow, I'll suggest he comes here and takes her to the park for a couple of hours or something... I don't know...

Introducing the beautiful Bronte Ameka McWhirter

As I said in my initial post-quake blog post, my niece has finally arrived - and she is a little beauty!  I love saying her name, because I think it's so beautiful - Bronte is a name I'd have loved to use for either girl, but I knew neither of their fathers would have gone for it... so I'm very happy my sister got the chance to use the name.  I cannot wait to meet her, but I have no idea when that will happen - I don't want to crowd my sister by taking my whole gang to stay with her, especially with Emersyn still not being a great night sleeper... I guess it'll happen soon enough!

Devestation hits Christchurch. It's bad this time.

I am really emotionally drained, and pretty much traumatised..  I had just arrived at my parents when the quake hit - I had put Emmy on the floor, went to smell Mum's flowers she got for her birthday & then the house started shaking, I raced to Emmy - falling over on the way & knew all I could do was just dive on top of her... stuff was falling down all around me and I was just closing my eyes hoping we were out of the path of anything.  After it was over I started hyperventilating & managed to drive to my Mum's work (2 mins away) to see she was okay, then found a route to get to Gaby's preschool - on the way got a text from my Dad... I knew we were all alive so felt al ittle better then.

We are at my parents - my house is okay, but the general area is an utter mess - i'm in Avonside, if you see that on the news at all.  The main road my street comes off is f*cked, and so is the intersection just around from me (AGAIN!!)... I have been too emotionally not with it to take many photos, but am uploading some now on FB.

When Dad got home he told us he had left the CTV building 20 MINUTES BEFORE THE QUAKE - in which it collapsed.... I think we're all having trouble processing that, and what could have been - had his appointment been  15 minutes later.  It's just.... I tear up whenever I think about it.  My Dad isn't handling it well - he's such a strong man, but you can see how troubled he is.  He just got a phone call to say his doctor is missing.

My family are all alive though, our houses are standing.. I do know of one woman who has lost someone... and am dreading them releasing the full list eventually.

Yesterday we got power - and it was the first time we actually saw images of the utter devestation in the CBD & it was HARD to see.. it made it so much more real, but at the same time I was 'glad' I could see it, because it has helped me process it.  We were so unlucky this time.  Where the first quake hit at the best time possible (4am.. ish), this one hit at the very worst possible time... midday on a weekday.   when Mum told me on Tuesday people had died I bawled... People don't die in earthquakes here... bad things don't happen here - this sort of thing happens in America, or Europe.....

They showed footage this morning of the building that I used to work in - the Theatre Royal, a beautiful late 1800s, early 1900s building with marble stair cases and chandaleirs, intricate work everywhere... and now it's destroyed.  It looks like the top storey has come down, but the bottom is still standing - the admin level is on the 2nd storey, and the place I used to sit & work is below it all.  I don't know if people I know died in there.

We did get a good snippet of news - my niece ~Bronte Ameka~ was born on 24/02 @ 00.00 - the stroke of midnight on her EDD.. we still haven't had a proper photo, so are itching for one to arrive via email!

As I said though, we're all alive & our houses are standing.  that's what matters.

145 are confirmed dead so far & 200 missing - the news isn't going to get any better.....

But we're alive...